Cunnilingus
“Cunnilingus is very sweet, tender, and tense. It’s sexy! What can I say!”*If you’re a man (or a woman for that matter) who wants to be remembered as the best lover she’s ever had, being a master at cunnilingus will take you a long way towards that goal.
“But I’m Already Great at It!”
If you think you’re already pretty handy at cunnilingus – good for you! However, keep in mind that hardly anyone ever thinks they’re bad at oral sex (or any other kind of sex for that matter).
That’s partly her fault. The main reason women fake orgasms is to save the ego of her unfortunate (or fortunate?) partner. We’re guessing that she’s not exactly gung-ho about telling you that she’d rather spend some quality time with her showerhead.
"He's always in the wrong place! And I'm too embarrassed to show him exactly how. Funny I'm not embarrassed to do anything a man likes...but I am embarrassed to say, ' a little to the right' or higher'…"*
“Like a fool I sneak out into the living room [and masturbate] so he won’t know. Then I hate myself for not telling him he’s a lousy lover”*
Yes, those are real quotes from real women. The unfortunate fact is that if you ask any sexually experienced woman, chances are she’ll tell you that the majority of men attack her sensitive vagina like their tongue was an extra slimy eel with epilepsy.
Fortunately, since you care enough to read this, you’re probably not one of these sad chaps, but, nevertheless, it never hurts to learn more!
Keep reading for some tips that will ensure that you are a pro at going down.
Female Anatomy 101
First, you’ll need to know exactly what you’re dealing with. You may think that you have a good idea, but a surprising amount of people are unfamiliar with the anatomy of the vagina - especially when it comes to oral sex.
“I don’t think my husband even knows where the clitoris is, and I’m too embarrassed to tell him. He does hit it by accident sometimes.”*Please don’t be like that guy. Check out the diagram below and pay extra attention to the location of the clitoris. That small round bud of pink flesh will be your main focus for great cunnilingus.
Quick Tip: Even though the clitoris will be your main focus for good oral sex, it’s important that you don’t go right for direct stimulation of it. Many women find prefer indirect stimulation through the clitoral hood (or at least until they get warmed up).
Put Your Best Face Forward
Besides a thorough understanding of the female anatomy, there are a few other things you should do to be prepare yourself for a great oral session.
- 1. Shave your face – A prickly beard or five-o-clock shadow can feel like sand paper on her sensitive parts. Not good. Keep your face smooth and clean-shaven.
- 2. Clean and clip your nails – Fingers are a great addition to oral sex. You’ll find out more about that later. In the meantime, just be sure to clean them well (dirty fingernails can give her a yeast infection), and clip them short. If you snag her most sensitive parts with a fingernail, don’t be surprised if she doesn’t let you down there for months.
- 3. Have the right attitude – The most important thing for oral sex is a positive attitude toward your partner and the act itself. If you’re reluctant for whatever reason then she’ll know and you may do more harm than good. This is a very vulnerable moment for her. Don’t even attempt it unless you are willing to commit 100%. Tell her she’s beautiful and you love pleasing her this way…and mean it! If you have concerns about the smell or taste, we have some solutions below.
Make Sure She’s Relaxed and Comfortable
For a variety of unfortunate reasons, many people think of the vagina as “dirty” or “bad”. This attitude can make her extremely self-conscious about how she smells or tastes. If she seems nervous, don’t be afraid to suggest a nice hot shower or a luxurious bubble bath. She’ll be squeaky clean and it’s a great way to get in the mood anyway.
If you’re still a bit apprehensive about taste and smell, there are a variety of flavored oils and lubrications available that not only taste yummy but also add a bit of helpful lubrication.
No matter what happens, it’s essential that she believes that you enjoy pleasing her. If she has any doubts, she won’t be able to relax and that means she won’t enjoy herself.
Here are a few helpful tips to ensure that she does:
- Blindfold her – A satin blindfold can be a delightful and titillating way to help her tune out everything but the wonderful sensations you’re giving her.
- Finger and lick – Once the foreplay really gets going, you can remove all of her insecurity by dipping a finger inside her, licking it slowly, and telling her how delicious she tastes.
Start Her Engines
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your perspective!), women need a little more attention than men to get warmed up and in the mood. Going straight for the goods before she’s ready is an easy way to ruin a cunnilingus session.
Don’t make this mistake! Spend plenty of time getting her hot and bothered. Tease her mercilessly until she begs for your tongue!
If you’re not precisely sure about the best ways to do this, we’ve provided a few helpful tips below.
- Kiss her lips – It may be tempting to jump right to the juicy stuff (no pun intended), but in most cases that would be counterproductive. Start by long, lingering kisses that will give her a preview of how you’re going to treat her other erogenous zones.
- Kiss and nibble her neck – Research done for the book “The Art of Kissing” discovered that 96% of women would love some attention on their neck during a make-out session. The same study showed that only 10% of men give the neck any real love. While that number sounds a little low to us, it nevertheless demonstrates the value of focusing a little attention on her neck. Spend some time there and maybe whisper a few naughty things in her ear while you’re in the area.
- Breasts – Cup her breasts in your hands and work your way down to them with your mouth. Don’t go right for the nipples! First, kiss and then gently suck on the breast before flicking a nipple with your tongue and then taking it gently into your mouth. Some women can orgasm from this attention alone, while others are less receptive. Just stay receptive to the signs she’s giving you and move on if necessary.
- Stomach – Breath on and kiss the stomach lightly as you move downward to…
- Her Inner thighs – This will be your last stop before the main event, so make the most of it. Tease each thigh mercilessly with warm breath, kisses, and gentle bites until she’s bucking her hips toward you.
Positioning
By now she’s fully aroused (and quite possibly tugging at your hair). It’s time to show her what you can really do!
First you’ll want to make sure you’re in the proper position. There are plenty of crazy (and fun) positions for cunnilingus. Some of these include: Licking her from behind while she’s on all fours, kneeling in front of her while she hangs over the edge of the bed, and, of course, the more-exciting-than-practical “69” position.
We’ll learn much more about these later, but right now we want to stick to the tried and true position that allows for the most access and comfort. Specifically, her lying on her back with you stretched out comfortably in front of her with your head between her legs and your hands comfortably underneath her legs/butt. This will allow you to pleasure her as long as you want without having to prematurely end your session from a sore neck.
Ready For the Main Event?
You’ve got her all warmed up, in the proper position, and you’ve licked and nibbled oh-so-close to her sweet spot until she’s practically screaming for something more. Surely it’s time for the main event?
You bet it is! And you’re going to start it off with one hell of a first impression…
The Ice Cream Cone Lick
Have you ever tried eating an ice cream cone on an extra hot day? If so, it probably started melting down the sides and you had to give it a long lick to keep it from getting on your fingers. Yummy right? Well, that’s exactly how we’re going to start things off.
Start at the bottom of her vagina and give her a long, slow, flat-tongued lick from the bottom all the way near the top. When you get to her clitoral hood, ease back on the pressure until you’re directly over the top of it then gently press your flat tongue against it. Now’s the time to let out a moan or an “Mmmm” sound to let her know you enjoyed the taste of her.
Allow your tongue to rest there for several seconds and then repeat the process again (even slower) a few more times.
Technique #1 Halfway Licks
We’re still not quite ready to attack the clitoris just yet. It will be more effective to build up some tension first.
Do that by only concentrating on the inner lips and the vaginal opening. Use your slightly pointed tongue to lick from the bottom of the vagina upwards toward the clit – but only go halfway. Stop before you get to the clitoral head. Don’t be afraid to give her labia soft open-lip kisses or even gently suck them into your mouth. Enjoy this for a few minutes and move on to tongue penetration.
Tongue Penetration
You might think that it’s silly to use your tongue to penetrate her vagina. Especially if you have a perfectly good penis and set of fingers. However, the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body and is therefore capable of things that your other beloved appendages just can’t do. It’s also naturally lubricated and wonderfully textured – the perfect tool for exploring her sensitive insides.
“The tongue is warmer, wetter, and softer than a penis or finger and makes more delicate motions”*
“A tongue offers gentleness, precision, and wetness and is the perfect organ for contact. And besides, it produces sensational orgasms!”*You may even be able to find her G-spot with it if your tongue is long enough. Hint: Tilt her hips forward. If that’s not possible, don’t fret. Instead use your slightly pointed tongue and dart it back and forth in and out of her vaginal opening. It’ll drive her wild!
Her Hot Spot
Now it’s time to give her well-primed clitoris some attention. Give her some sweet relief by softly pressing your wet tongue directly onto her clit and leaving it there for a few seconds. You can follow this with another series of halfway licks or move directly on to one or more of the following techniques…
Technique #2 Full Licks
This is just like the halfway lick technique, except instead of stopping halfway to tease her you’re going to take your tongue all the way up to her clitoral hood. She may still be sensitive to direct clitoral stimulation. If that is the case, don’t lick the clitoris directly. Instead, come in from the side in a diagonal motion.
Technique #3 Side-to-Side
Studies have shown that many women prefer clitoral stimulation on the sides of the clit instead of the top and bottom. Try waggling your tongue from side to side with horizontal strokes to see if she’s one of them.
Technique #4 “This Doesn’t Suck!”
Pucker your lips around her entire clitoral area and gently suck it into your mouth. Not only does this feel wonderful, it also increases blood flow to the clitoris which will help to arouse her even further. This sensation is so popular with women that there are many popular sex toys that are designed to duplicate it.
With a little practice, you will even be able to flick her clitoris with your tongue while it is in your mouth. Just remember to do it gently since the clitoris may be fully exposed from the suction. Also remember to keep the suction light. Heavy suction may desensitize her clitoris and make it harder for her to reach orgasm.
Technique #5 Rope-a-Dope
Tease her (and build some necessary tension) by covering her clitoral hood with your tongue and letting it lie there motionless like a wet blanket. When she can’t take it anymore (she will probably be grinding her hips against it), explode with a series of light flicks to her clitoral hood before returning to a still, flat tongue. Repeat the entire process.
This combination of motionless tongue and teasing licks will add tension and surprise, spike her sexual response, and keep her moving toward orgasm.
Quick Tip: The key to great cunnilingus? Anticipation. Don’t make a beeline for her hot spots right away. Even when you finally do – try to keep her guessing. That is, of course, until you’ve got her figured out. Then feel free to finish her with precisely what gets her off (literally).
“Massages like licking or sucking are great because they involve a constant breaking of contact, which keeps the sensation from being too monotonous. Every time the tongue touches, it is a new and pleasurable sensation, which eventually leads to orgasm. Any great change in position would be distracting, but the slight breaks and expectations are exciting.”*Lend a Hand
The toe-curling techniques above will most likely be enough to bring her to orgasm. However, you can dramatically increase the intensity and pleasure by adding a few fingers to the mix.
Start by slowly inserting your index finger up to the second knuckle. The finger should be pointed downward and you shouldn’t have to worry about lubrication as her natural wetness mixed with your saliva should do the trick. Of course, this is assuming that you’ve spent at least ten minutes applying at least one of the techniques described above.
Once you’ve added one finger, you can leave it there and continue with one of her favorite techniques – perhaps moving it slightly up and down or back and forth. After a few minutes, you can add another finger to prepare her for G-spot stimulation.
The G-spot
The G-spot is a subject so large that we won’t even attempt to cover it all here. However, for the purposes of this article, you should know that it’s a small area, about the size of a quarter, located two inches inside and on the front wall of the vagina. Many women find stimulation of this area incredibly pleasurable.
Hitting the G-spot
With your palm up, insert two fingers a few inches into her vagina (or to about the second knuckle). Slightly crook them towards you, creating a “come here” motion.
You should feel a spot on the front wall of her vagina that is rougher than the surrounding area. If you can’t really tell for sure, don’t worry about it too much. The G-spot will often grow in size as you stimulate the area.
Keep the “come here” motion gentle at first, and slowly increase the pressure as the G-spot becomes larger. Once you find the pressure that she responds best too, do everything you can to keep it constant.
Quick Tip: Many women adore G-spot stimulation, some are indifferent to it, and others dislike the sensation entirely. If she doesn’t respond well, don’t waste your time by trying to force it. Move on to something else that she will enjoy.
Naughty Trio
If your partner is extra adventurous (or just really turned on), insert a finger into her vagina (as instructed above) and then simultaneously insert a well-lubricated finger (slowly!) into her anus. There’s no need to go very deep here or move your fingers a great deal. The threefold intensity of multiple penetration, along with your tongue, should be more than enough to push her over the edge.
Quick Tip: This naughty method works especially well with Technique #3.
Read the Signs
You might have your mouth full, hands busy, and your ears covered by a pair of lovely soft thighs, but don’t forget to pay attention to how she’s responding to your efforts. Give her more of what she wants and change up your tactics if she doesn’t seem to be enjoying it.
Good Signs
- If she tells you she likes it (duh).
- If she raises her hips toward your face or grinds on your tongue.
- If her vagina gets wetter and wetter.
- If she grabs your hair and pulls your face into her.
- If she screams or moans loudly.
- If she trembles or spasms uncontrollably.
- If her face becomes flushed and red.
- If her breathing becomes rapid and shallow.
Not So Good Signs
- If she squeals or flinches in pain (Probably from too much direct clitoris pressure).
- If she becomes eerily silent.
- If she backs her hips away like she’s trying to get away from your tongue.
- If she makes up a story about her grandma dying and leaves immediately (Yikes! Better luck next time).
"It seems like he is trying to erase my clitoris!"*Read the signs and adjust your technique as necessary. When you find what she likes you may be tempted to do it harder and faster. That would be a mistake! Once you hit her hot button and she’s really digging it, keep the exact same pressure and exact same tempo until she orgasms.
It doesn't matter if your neck is tired or if your arm is about to fall asleep. Hang in there until she finishes. If you stop, she'll lose it, and you'll have to build her up to orgasm all over again.
To Orgasm and Beyond
Her orgasmic contractions will come in waves. Continue with clitoral stimulation or her orgasm will be unnecessarily short.
If everything goes as planned, she will have a long, full orgasm that may even rival the best she’s ever had (Nice work!). After her contractions, her body will shift into post-orgasm phase where her breathing will slow and she will revert into blissful motionlessness as her body relaxes. At this point, she may recoil at your touch and even push your head away. Don’t be offended, as this is a completely normal post-orgasm reaction. It just means that her clitoris is extra sensitive and you’ve done a great job.
Parting Thoughts
Cunnilingus is a delicate skill that requires patience and practice to truly master. However, that’s a small price to pay for the ability to literally bring her to heights of ecstasy she didn’t even know were possible.
If you want her to remember you as one of the absolute best lovers she’s ever had, a little knowledge mixed with a healthy amount of enthusiasm will practically guarantee she’ll be bragging about you to her friends for a long time.
Now get out there and have some fun!
* All quotes are courtesy of The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality By Shere Hite